So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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