All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Randomize
