when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
