we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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