She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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