My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
