Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
