You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
