Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
