i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
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8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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