Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
