There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
