Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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