Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
