i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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