She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
