I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
