You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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