I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
