Don't make out with my wife yet
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
