god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
