It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
