Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
