they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
