I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
