New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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