Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
tell me about the eggs
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