i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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