My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
