It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
