Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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