you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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