yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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