if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
