absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
