You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We got so high we made milksteak
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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