Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
