i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
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Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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