Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
PANTIES FOUND
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