so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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