no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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