He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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