i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
