Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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