I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
