I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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