yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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