Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
