I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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