I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
