Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
