He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
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At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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