if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
