Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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