It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
