Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is Oprah even human
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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